Toward the End

I try to kill my heart and poems

I try to numb my soul and sense

I ask myself: what is the point

To feel and love and care for things?

I say: I'll never be let down

As if I were the fate's pet kin

Or maybe I am just a clown

On her voice she always spins

Oh! Look at me how I'm absurd!

I wish I got out of my skin…

Swaying between silence and words

To flee my doubts fears and sins,

I wonder if You hear me, Lord!

Have You left me, or have I done?

I swear I still so deeply want

To keep with You until my end.

But You burden me with mighty loads

Until my back is almost rent.

Either I am caught now by Your cord,

Or else my soul, to the pit, descends.

Salma

5/9/2006